FAWM: "The Smallest Sort of "Stay" (no nouns/pronouns)"

The Smallest Sort of "Stay" (no nouns/pronouns)

Skirmish: No nouns, no pronouns. (@bergie)

There is no demo for this song.

Liner Notes

Skirmish prompt: write without nouns or pronouns.

This was very hard. I did the prompt after the skirmish ended, because I didn't see it while it was running. I don't think this is going to make it as a song but it was an interesting exercise. The language is too stilted for me to imagine people enjoying it as a song, but maybe I'll try....

I've written a song that was all questions in a prior skirmish, and I could see that being another way around this prompt, maybe.

I did use nouns that could be adjectives or verbs, etc. #lyricsonly

Lyrics

Tricky, triggered, nearly missed Shaking off the foggy landing Hot and taut, the press of trying Upbeat, offbeat, shot but standing

Wouldn't knowing like to know? Hasn't showing tried to show? Such patient wanting dried and blown away Ah! Aching hears the smallest sort of "Stay."

Periwinkle dipping of the bottled -- drink Written, momentary breathing yearns to think Gesturing but not restored Escape toward, escape toward

Upbeat, offbeat, shot but standing Handled and now handling

Leaning closer to hit play Aching hears the smallest sort of "Stay."

Memorize but do not hoard Escape toward, escape toward

Comments

@darcistrutt 1d

Nice write! The "escape toward" gave me an emotional response. Very visual language here.

@newukenewyork 20h

Thank you very much!

@wylddandelyon 1d

I really like this! The lyrics are very emotional and evocative. A very different approach than I took!

@newukenewyork 20h

Thanks so much — I enjoyed how differently people approached it.

@berni1954 1d

This reads like Virgina Wolf poem. I particularly like this couplet and reckon they alone could be a springboard for another song. "Wouldn't knowing like to know? Hasn't showing tried to show?

@newukenewyork 20h

Than you very much. It’s cool to know those lines connected with people.

@porrectus 2d

Beautiful lyrics, theres an ebb and flow to them that merits more reads. Restored toward as a rhyming pattern is cool. Really nice work on a tough skirmish

@newukenewyork 1d

Thanks for reading — I did find it tough!!

@musicsongwriter 2d

Creative lyrics. It's a very challenging prompt and you did a great job.

@newukenewyork 1d

Thanks for reading the lyrics!

@nickweisenfels 2d

I also came here to say that "wouldn't knowing like to know" is a fantastic line. The whole thing is really well done. Heck, I didn't see the skirmish but I might have to try to write like this!

@newukenewyork 1d

It felt like a deep stretch — try it out! And thanks much.

@bergie 2d

I can't see how this WOULDN'T be compelling in song form. I'm gonna triple down on the likes for "wouldn't knowing like to know?" Also love a good "Ah!" or other exclamation at the start of a line. Get some music goin to this one!!!

@newukenewyork 1d

Well, I deeply appreciate the encouragement I’m getting to round this out with music. I’ll try. Thank you!

@chrisgray 2d

Yeah, this is a different kind of exercise, but I really admired yours. There's something compelling about "wouldn't knowing like to know", "hadn't showing tried to show", and esp. "escape toward". Belated thanks for your comment on Dead White. And I loved your song about the quiet bus -- I was thinking of it this morning and got inspired to listen to Aaron Copland's Quiet City.

@newukenewyork 1d

Thank you so much! I’d never expect it to be a direct line from me to Copland — I’m honored. 😉

@richardmasters 2d

This is pretty outstanding stuff - full of intent that dances out of reach. I particularly like Wouldn't knowing like to know? And Gesturing but not restored Escape toward, escape toward. My take home from this exercise is that nouns can introduce a real drag factor to lyrical propulsion.

@newukenewyork 1d

Thanks for the thoughtful read. This was a real puzzler of a prompt but I agree it makes you (me) think about what nouns do in lyrics.