troubadette: Always an absolute treat to collaborate with Stephen Wordsmith, especially when I can be selfish and call dibs on a lyric before anyone else gets to see it (I'm invoking Real Life Friend privilege).

This one was inspired by a chat on Slack about if you assume that straight white cisgender and male is the default for a human, it can be a tough pill to swallow to see other people mucking around with the settings. Why can't you just be happy with how you came out of the box?

The problem, of course, being - that's not how that works at all. Please enjoy this performance by a neurodivergent non-binary bisexual who sings trans-inclusive dick jokes for a living.

#bandinabox #biab #satire

swordsmith As the former winner of the Lyttle Lytton contest, I can offer the following wisdom: To do good bad writing, don't attempt to write badly. Adopt the persona of a terrible person, and then attempt to write well. I think I succeeded here, although there is an interesting unconscious bias that seems to be rearing its ugly head - both composer and lyricist conspired to create an imaginary offensive bigot, and he turned out... a bit... well... Australian. The ANZAC spirit is still alive and well, clearly.

Writing this one was a bit of a risk. The last time I tried to put myself in the shoes of a narrator this unlikeable was back in 2009, where I became a disheveled old lunatic in gumboots. This guy is more subtle and insidious... and infinitely more dangerous.

You ever met the kind of folk Whose pride is their own shame? You hear their every cross to bear Before you'll hear their name The hours in ivory towers Put such notions in their head Where I'd just settle for A personality instead

Like on the day that they were born The angels got together And just had a seizure on the settings page? You make ten toes and fingers Choose an Adam or an Eve But there's bells and whistles out there That you'd scarcely dare believe

The slider's a divider And it's all your stupid fault I'm no chronic spondylosic I'm a person I'm default

I once knew a guy called Digger Biddle (Greatest bloke on earth) Had a postbox on his houseboat That's assigned mail at berth And there's the only context Where I'll ever use that phrase When you read such things on Tumblr You should just avert your gays

The slider's a divider And it's all your stupid fault I'm no demipolyquiltbag I'm a person I'm default

You might laugh and call me cishet And I'm going to just be blunt Mate, I dunno what a 'cis' is But I wouldn't trust the cu...stomer Cause I've never used a pronoun They're just not the nouns for me You can keep your LGBT I'll just have the BLT

The slider's a divider And it's all your stupid fault I'm no sissy hetero norman I'm a person I'm default

Why would you touch that dial And play on hard mode all the while? Life plays rough, it don't play nice It ain't all sugar and neurospice It's slugs and grime and sexual crime Won't always be a gay old time And if you're suffering something chronic Bite the bullet, drink the tonic

And one more thing - no disrespect To my mate Hans Aspergers But how 'bout those who blame the spectrum For their silly urges I'll admit they have a point There's something wrong there in their brains You're no snowflake made of indigo You just love bloody trains

The slider's a divider And it's all your stupid fault I'm no ADH - ooh, squirrel! I'm a person I'm default

I don’t understand why on earth you’d choose to be Anything other than just the same as me