#canada #commerce #criticism #lyricsonly #collaborationswelcome but no worries if I don't get one; I'm sure I'll set it to music sooner or later

Yesterday I was drinking "Speaker's Tea" I bought from the Parliamentary Gift Shop at the Legislative Assembly of British Columbia in Victoria BC and I was trying to remember what the gift shop employee had told me about where the tea blend had come from -- something like a visiting ambassador had brought it as a gift and the Speaker liked it so much they decided to offer it in the gift shop. While googling for the correct story, I ran across a surprisingly long and detailed article about how outdated the retail practices are in the store. It was written so critically as to almost come across (to me, as a layperson) as absurd. The writer really took this gift shop to task!!

Also this lyric is way too long, but I don't care. It was just too much fun to play with the language in the article.

All noble intentions of civic engagement aside You're not open on weekends And these tartan scrunchies have dustily piled Next to overpriced postcards that no one would send

Parliament---ary Gift Shop When did you stop? When did your retail practices Freeze in the amber of time? Did you ever feel fine? Was the cinnamon bark in your Speaker's Tea Once the inner ambition of evergreen? And how does that never inspire you, To set yourself free?

A blandness of mugs, all designed by a faceless committee They could show any building What risk-averse bureaucrats fathered this mystery, These protocol souvenirs absent of gilding?

And what can a too-ourist make of your flat inventory? Is your relevance static? Structural dysfunction that's telling no story A parallel universe: aughts that were spent in an attic

BRIDGE Museum exhibit of the retail past No seasonal relevance, no collabs Nothing about you says mission critical Nor that society's ever gone digital When you choose safe over sales Trend response is impossible Try, iterate and adapt But you're locked in procure....ment cy....cles

Hemorrhaging revenue that could be used for improvements Have your products been tested? Think of the customer's absent amusement I'm afraid every shelf finds you bested

Retail incompetence goes beyond shame in this era Don't abandon your dignity It's just disrespectful to not be aware of (slowing) -- Insti-tutional REsponsi-bility

Parliament---ary Gift Shop When did you stop? When did your retail practices Freeze in the amber of time? Did you ever feel fine? Was the cinnamon bark in your Speaker's Tea Once the inner ambition of evergreen And how does that never inspire you, To set yourself free?

BRIDGE 2: The time for incremental improvement has passed It's retail revolution Commerce, democracy call you to task And radical, cleansing ablution

Parliament---ary Gift Shop When did you stop? When did your retail practices Freeze in the amber of time? Did you ever feel fine? Was the cinnamon bark in your Speaker's Tea Once the inner ambition of evergreen And how does that never inspire you, To set yourself free?

Set yourself free Set yourself free