FAWM: "Song of Noble Attempts"

Song of Noble Attempts

5 days ago by @ayais

Liner Notes

I'm writing snippets that fit in a long tragic plot with some light moments, and that explains the flippant ending.

Lyrics

Think well of yourself Think well of your brother These noble thoughts Will help you recover

A semblance of honor A semblance of trust A measure of grace And a nice crispy crust

Here's where this song started ... before a top-to-bottom rewrite: --OOO-- You can try to fix the thing It doesn't matter how The thing won't be fixed But you can keep trying

You can make a run To climb the highest mountain The mountain's too high You'll have to go around

Then again, this time With new will and momentum A fully engaged heart And fury in your step

And again and again Until exhaustion sets You gaze at failure Content with your efforts

Comments

@freshspotlessyouth 4d

Ah, this is nice. I love short songs, songs that draw us in and do what needs doing, and you nail it hear. The guitar and vocal are so warm and inviting, and the lyric so uplifting. I could go for some pizza now--Neapolitan style

@mahtowin 5d

Perfect lyrics for this great music! Love your guitar play and how you set a light mood! Good message - i agree!

@richardmasters 5d

This is a real achievement - so short yet so expansive. Zen.

@ayais 5d

I went through half a dozen wordy versions and wore myself out. Then this popped out. The way it happens!

@richardmasters 5d

Would you be willing to post one of the more wordy drafts under the lyric? Would be interesting from a process point of view to see what you took out - I always find it helpful to know other writers' editing decisions. No worries if that's not a comfortable thing to do.

@ayais 5d

Yep, done

@richardmasters 4d

Radical rewrite - you leaner version is very good of course, however I really like the opening and closing verses of the previous draft. Are you going to up cycle them into a new composition?

@ayais 3d

Ooh. Challenge accepted.