Entirely fictional but still very accurate to what it's like having a conversation with my grandmother, who I love with all of my heart.

#bandinabox #biab #comedy

Grandma called up to let me know the other day Carol Ann Mackenzie’s mum has sadly passed away You know Carol Ann, of course, you went to the same school Her brother Simon broke his tailbone running by the pool

Grandma let me know the funeral date has not been set It’s likely to be late next week, but she can’t confirm yet Carol’s husband is a doctor so it’s hard to work out leave And it’s extra complicated ‘cause you have to factor Steve

Steve is Carol’s oldest son who lives overseas He’s still finding himself, but he’s got several degrees One in architectural design and industry The other one is something about child psychology

And as Grandma wonders if Steve will be travelling so far I try to tell her I don’t know who any of these people are

They’re people who exist on the same planet as me People who exist on the same planet as me

Carol Ann Mackenzie’s mum, as you know, is named Gail And we don’t talk about how she spent the 70s in jail For loud and topless protests, she was really a wild card But now she’s gone, and Carol Ann is taking it quite hard

You and Carol Ann were two or three school years apart You both were in the choir, but her thing was always art She’s always been quite modern, so she kept her maiden name But she doesn’t paint at all these days, which really is a shame

Gail Mackenzie much preferred Carol Ann’s first husband, Scott That’s an open secret, she says it quite a lot Steve is Scott’s, of course, but Gwendolyn looks just like Tim Tim’s the doctor current husband, you remember him

And as Grandma tells me something about Carol’s youngest’s car I try to tell her I don’t know who any of these people are

They’re people who exist on the same planet as me People who exist on the same planet as me

Simon and his wife are coming all the way from Perth With their three children, Micah, Zeke, and Madeline And Simon’s always been a dab hand with technology So it’s likely that Gail's funeral will be streaming online

Grandma says she’ll send me a link I don’t let my frustration show Of course it’s sad this woman is dead But I’m not going to watch the livestream of a funeral of someone I don’t know

She’s just someone who exists on the same planet as me someone who exists on the same planet as me Someone who exists on the same planet as me Who is now dead So technically she exist-ed