#jazz #bluesy #personwithpiano #trauma #acousticonetake #singersongwriter This is another old set of lyrics that I've been working on for a while. It's kind of been in that pile of, "Does this merit performance, or did I write it for myself?" But I've been writing a lot of trauma songs this FAWM and I think it's been helpful. This one is about my mother. I grew up with a mom who exhibited many signs of what gets called narcissism. I don't know how I feel about applying that term to her after all the reading and research I've done. I know clinical NPD is a thing, and that it is not what we colloquially refer to as narcissism. Okay, all that being said, I'm no contact with my mom for 5 years now. She keeps pushing at that line, but every time I even consider carving a doorway into it, something makes it clear how much safer I am without her in my life.

You were always afraid I would finally pull back the curtain Come to the conclusion that you'd been the worst all along Instead of revealing yourself with your words and intentions You constructed theology road-runner traps so I'd fall headlong

Into shadows you swore were light Into truth that you spun like lies 'Till I couldn't believe my eyes I felt for the bones and I followed them out And it's too late now To apologize

My feet were so unused to freedom that each step was terror The wide branching sky just a glass to show off all my faults Mincing and counting my steps but I pressed myself onwards Towards my destination, deconstructing salvation's stinging salt

There were shadows you swore were light There were truths that you spun like lies 'Till I couldn't believe my eyes I felt for the bones and I followed them out And it's too late now, To apologize

I spin each new destiny To be free to choose me I know each new face I see Sees a me I didn't know could be

Now there's shadows I set to flight Now there's truths that I sing in the night I don't have to believe my eyes I can feel for the bones and I follow them still And It's too late now Don't apologize.