FAWM: " Someone I'm Not"

Someone I'm Not

1 week ago by @alyxanderjames

Skirmish: Translucent (@robinleaf)

Someone I'm Not

alyxanderjames

00:00

Liner Notes

I was feeling stuck this morning, so I was looking through some of yesterday's skirmish prompts. This started with me noodling on the word #Translucent but ended up going in a direction I didn't totally anticipate. Tagging it with the skirmish anyway because I started there and did write it in about 30 minutes.

Anyway, here's a song about being #Neurodivergent and trying to navigate social situations where I feel like everyone else has always known the rules that I have been trying desperately my whole life to figure out.

#Folk #SingerSongwriter #AcousticOneTake #PersonWithUkulele #AuDHD

Lyrics

It's not that I lack imagination I can play pretend But if I'm in a conversation That I want to end I don't know what rules to follow I might just walk away I'm not trying to cause drama This is all to say (that I)

Don't know how to be someone I'm not I'm doing what I can with what I've got My relationship to social cues Will never not be fraught I don't know how to be someone I'm not

It's not that I don't care about you That's not why I said The thing that I had gone through, too I was trying to connect I don't know what rules to follow To show you that I care I'm not trying to cause drama It doesn't feel fair ('cause I)

Don't know how to be someone I'm not I'm doing what I can with what I've got My relationship to social cues Will never not be fraught I don't know how to be someone I'm not

Comments

@marilisa 6d

Entire neurospicy household here, and this is so relatable. I love your gentle and introspective style and the melody is lovely. This is a real keeper :)

@stevenwesleyguiles 6d

"will never not be fraught" Great line! I really do love how you emote in this chorus. The chorus is so very relatable. My partner is extra nuerospicy. :)

@dhiatt 1w

Love the sweet honesty of this one. As someone with a neurospicy family, this really hits home. Really well said. The transition to the chorus is excellent.

@metricula 1w

I love how you put into words that feeling of not being sure how to get out of a conversation you don’t want to be in anymore

@troubadette 1w

Beautifully crafted! Really simple, clean lyric that absolutely conveys what you're trying to say. All very relatable as a fellow neurodivergent person (although usually I'm the one not letting people leave the conversation, which I think is objectively worse).

Great work on this one <3

@alyxanderjames 1w

Thank you! <3 And I’ve also been guilty of info dumping and continuing conversations without picking up on the cues other people are sending, haha

@tjeff 1w

Great lyric, reads so clearly and the message comes through in a big way. Maybe that's because I relate so much! I'm definitely an introvert, not sure if I'm neurodivergent or not (might very well be!). I'm a music teacher at a kindergarten for kids with severe autism and love working with those kids! Your music fits your lyric well too - sort of matter of fact and plainly sung, very nice.

@coolparadisoMod 1w

Good lyric. I am trying to explain not well how some lyrics you read sing the song even without the music - this is one of those. It sings off the page - the listening is just the extra candy

@scubed 1w

Fellow AuDHDer here. 👋 These lyrics are so well written and soooo relatable! I can't pick up on social cues worth a damn myself, and I've always tried to connect by relating a similar experience - literally had no idea until recently that NTs consider that a faux pas.

@narwhalsexist 1w

Ooooooooooffffff yes, so relatable and beautiful!! I’ve been having a harder time masking lately and have definitely walked away from conversations with increasingly-dumber excuses. Is it bad that I feel better that it’s not just me?

@alyxanderjames 1w

I don't think that's bad at all, and that's honestly part of why I wrote this! It's important to know we're not alone. And yeah, the more I intentionally unmask in my life in general, the harder it is to put the mask back on...

@bethdesombre 1w

This feels so true and relatable (even to those of us whose neurology is more mainstream). The chorus is great, and I love the melody on "I don't know how to be someone I'm not" (both at the beginning and end of the chorus.)

@nwhosings 1w

One thousand percent this. The second verse especially hits me hard today. "My relationship to social cues will never not be fraught" also feels very, very true. I'm so glad we have created a space in this container to process this stuff together.

@alyxanderjames 1w

Agreed, so grateful for this space to process in community! <3

@skylermf 1w

I relate to this hard, especially “I don’t know what rules to follow to show I care.” This idea of wanting to understand and trying but just not being able to get it is so tough

@alyxanderjames 1w

It is tough! And it has also been enormously comforting to me to realize that it's not just me who struggles with this.