a Tom T Hall-ish story about my cheating ex girlfriend....... who just happens to be my wife....... #funny

Verse 1 I set it on seventy, or pret near Next thing I know it’s like Florida in here Dog shaved himself, cat won’t speak our Goldfish ordered iced tea last week

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Verse 2 It all started with her phone heater app I started noticing a temperature gap I feel like some tropic island castaway Even the houseplants asked for Gatorade

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Chorus

She turns up the heat when she cheats I feel like dehydrated meat I’m sweating and I’m droolin, I can hardly breathe In the middle of a January freeze

Caught her once at 3 A.M. that heater Dial’s turned up again She says, “it’s something in the circuitry.” I but than Siri says, “Do you want it up another degree”

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Bridge (ham it up, almost spoken) So I went shopping and did some shopping at Amazon For her to put some warm things on I bought her electric blankets and heating pads I said, “This’ll be the most warmth you’ve ever had.” (Slow) But now our dog is wearing long underwear and I’m starting to notice a chill in the air

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Final Chorus

She turns down the heat when she cheats penguins are asking for my house key I’m wrapped up like a roadside burrito I wish I was back wearing that speedo Yeah she cheats with that thermostat game Actin’ like I’m the one insane If temperature games were an Olympic feat She’d get a gold medal from her livin’ room seat