My Dice Must Be Cursed
by @dr_griff
Liner Notes
I've had this idea sitting in my list since I first encountered filk, and tonight a tune finally arrived. Enjoy!
Lyrics
No capo, 4/4, steady strum V1 C Em The game was going well, it was F C The game was going great C Em I rolled a natural 20 Dm G And it closed and locked the gate Am C The monsters safe behind it Dm G They were roaring in their rage C Em But then the DM waved his hand Dm G C And my dice would not engage
V2 Every roll I took from then Was near a natural 1 The worst rolls I have ever had And second worst to none My D20 went to singletons My D6 to just one dot I’m not sure how many plays I wrecked But I bet it was a lot
CHORUS Dm G Put my dice in the naughty box Am They’re not behaving themselves Dm G Hand them a sign that says “Shame on us” Am And stick them up on the shelves Dm G I’ve never had a game this bad Am It’s been my very worst F There’s just one explanation - Dm G C My dice, they must be cursed!
V3 I’m suspicious of the DM’s wave Was he playing a cleric then? Did he cast some voodoo on my dice To make them forget their yen For rolling natural 20s And high-achievement throws? It’s the DM’s fault, I’m sure of it Let’s see how this roll goes
CHORUS
BRIDGE Am He cursed my dice, I’m sure of it Em I am so mad that I could spit F Nails and tacks and pointy things Dm G How dare he curse my favorite things?
V4 I will take them home and wash them I will sprinkle them with oil I will put them in a salt ring The curses now to foil I will hold a sacred ritual To drive the curse away And then I’ll challenge my DM To another round of play
CHORUS
Comments
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I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
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Loved every line. This is so well written, and the simple music allows the lyrics to shine without undue distraction.
This is brilliant. Possibly my favourite from the Sprint so far.
Wow. That's a huge compliment. Thank you, Cassie!
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I suppose this explains why some people collect so many sets of dice. They all end up being cursed at some point...because it can't be a skill issue. 😀
Definitely a fun song. Congratulations on getting it out there.
Hey, any excuse to get more clicky clacky math rocks, right? Thank you for the compliment!
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I don't play DnD but thought this song was so fun and relatable. Had me smiling all the way through. This will go over so well in filk circles.
Oh, I hope it does! I'm glad it made you smile. :)
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Fun one. I too love the new ritual of decursifying dice.
As long as it works, right? Otherwise we have to buy more dice!
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Those DMs casting spells on Dice. This had me chuckling the whole way through. I also learned how to uncurse dice. Funny and educational
Well, we can hope the un-cursing works. Otherwise we have to go buy more clicky clacky math rocks, right? (Wait... that's not a drawback, is it?)
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Hehe, this was fun. I have cursed my players' dice mhself a time or two.
Why does this not surprise me, Mark? :) Thanks for the compliment :)
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This one is so much fun! I was very happy to hear it live over zoom.