The thing I used to upload this has decided I look better sideways. Sorry about that.
Well. I woke up rather excited that FAWM submissions were still open. Realised I haven't done anything daft this FAWM and that that just wasn't right. So here's something really fucking daft. An acapella rap battle with myself about a load of nonsense.
For those who don't know I'm Swiss. Hence those lyrics. The last part refers to Brexit for those lucky enough not the be as close as I am to the whole debacle.
I believe this is my first ever attempt at 'rap'.
Sorry. Peace out.
It's probably more fun to just listen so you don't know what nonsense is coming so I'd recommend that first. But here's the lyrics for the intrigued anyway:
You thought I was done but I'm back again,
I'm armed with shit tons of paper and a dodgy pen,
People sayin' hey you heard The Idle Owl man I like his stuff,
But then he went and padded it out with some bloody rapping fluff,
He can't rap for shit someone needs to spit him that,
But FAWM rules forbid me from telling him they all fall flat,
I mean first he hits his guitar and now what the fuck is this?
He thinks he can get away with this shit just because he's Swiss?
Cheese eating, chocolate muncher he's got gold in his glass,
And he can shove those fucking cuckoo clocks up his banker ass,
I don't have time for this garbage, this utter nonsense,
I've just checked my Swatch it says that time has been up since,
1 minute ago, probably earlier who the hell knows,
Hell I'm bored I've cancelled my tickets to all of his shows
Guys I think you'll find my rapping is the best there is,
I'm about to prove it to you jokers so just listen in,
I've got flow like a river, I'm armed like a quiver, my rhymes so full of ice they make volcanoes shiver,
Mate this is just the start, I'm making art, there's no way anyone can reproduce this it's just too fucking hard,
I've got the crowds going wild,
They're digging my style,
They've all got their caps on backwards,
With a cheesy smile,
I was born to fucking rap,
I've had a hard life,
We ran out of avacado once,
Living like wildlife,
Had to order some in,
Waitrose home delivery,
Ate sugar free baked beans straight out the fucking tin.
Man this guy's a fraud, he be spouting tripe,
I've heard better rapping from Michael Stipe,
He needs to be put down a peg, he ain't no good egg,
I'm going to send the boys round to break his spindly legs,
He's middle class as fuck but thinks he's from daaan pit.
Who is this fucking joker, what is this shit?
He needs to fuck off where he came from,
And leave us alone.
There's no room for him, or his student loan.
Guys, stop it with this shit, all my papers legit.
I'm on Android so I've got settled status. Innit.