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I'm still wondering if this needs a separate chorus rather than just staying strophic, but I tried five different things and it just wan't working, so I'm hitting pause for now!
Lady of Life of the Two Sacred Lands
Blessed mother of all that would live
Vibrant and green is the place where you stand
Dark earth warmed by the light that you give
Will you teach me to breathe in the scent of your creations
Just as flowers, my consciousness shall bloom
Fully whole in myself and the beauty of sensation
Brought to life by the Lady of Perfume
Lady of Life of the Two Sacred Lands
Blessed hunter who guards Her domain
Vibrant eyes fierce as fire, blade held firm in your hands
Seeking out that which you wish to claim
Will you teach me to chase after dreams that I might hold
In my hands all that I seek to tame
Fully whole in myself, having fought to reach my goals,
Brought to life by the Lady of Flame
Lady of Life of the Two Sacred Lands
Blessed guardian who delights the King
With the beat of her fingers and clapping of Her hands
And the power of Her voice when She sings
Will you teach me to play sacred sistra and drums
Music chasing away all my fears
Fully whole in myself, all the darkness overcome.
Brought to life by the Lady who Hears
Brought to life by the Lady of Bubastis
Dua Bast!
@janeg 4 weeks
Agree with the idea of adding a hand drum or a bohdran or harp. S J Tucker's Firebird's Child might give you good ideas for a drum style.
@tawny249 4 weeks
Oo. I like the rhythm in this. I can imagine drums in some interesting places. You sound wonderful as usual, and the melody does sound very Mediterranean to me. Nice job with the repetitions in the structure, too. And I don't think it needs a chorus, the repeated phrases serve as a binding element. 😀
@jackketch 4 weeks
By the way I don't think it needs a chorus - the format of it seems happy. Sounds complete to me!
@jackketch 4 weeks
I like this - it's very magical. Sounds like it could do with a harp in the background, or one of those droning medieval instruments. You have a great voice!