A spoken word piece for Valentine's.
A king has started to get bored with his incredibly dangerous job, and is beginning to get envious of his girlfriend, who works part-time in a stationery shop. He comes home from the castle in the kingdom at the end of Valentine's Day and talks to her about his woes.
I'd like to say that this is based on personal experience. In some ways, it is. My girlfriend works part-time in a stationery shop... and that's where the similarity ends.
Well, hello baby, how are you?
Tell me how you be.
OK, that's very interesting -
Now let's get back to me.
I don't mean to belittle you,
Or say your job is calm.
However, mine involves people
Intent on causing harm.
Sometimes I really envy you
In the shop on your own,
But I just have this constant threat
Of those after my throne.
Thing is, while you have customers
And people buying cards,
I have to deal with rapscallions
Hacking up my guards.
"Invade the palace," bandits say,
"And let's go kill the king!"
And though I manage to escape,
That's far from interesting.
And then today, an evil witch
Turned up outside my door,
Casting her spells - hex after hex -
Cov'ring my page with sores!
The dragons are a real pain,
The giants, they are grating.
The elves are flighty; dwarves are dour;
The pixies: irritating.
And now I have to rule them all
Since I signed the accord.
But all these creatures - all these laws -
I'm stressed, and tired, and bored!
Oh yeah, and happy Valentine's!
(Something I need to say.)
And something, something, something love,
I had a tedious day.