This song started off by me thinking how your own personal history is so important in recognising why you feel a certain way sometimes as an adult - that you remember where you have come from and how you got here - and to cut yourself some slack sometimes!
I was thinking how lucky kids are now with the whole gay thing, in certain countries like the UK - in just 20 years things have changed so much. There's representation of gay people all over the media, letting teenagers know that it's OK.
That just didn't exist when I was growing up. Wherever I looked it was 'gay = bad' and I think I did myself some damage mentally in my early teens, trying to change myself and force myself to be straight. And more to the point, I still feel the repercussions in myself now.
But in another respect, I was lucky. I have a close friend who came out as Trans last year and he is in the long, difficult and expensive process of transitioning from female to male. I see trans issues as the new 'battle' for LGBTQ people now. And I hope that my friend can look back in 20 years time and see similar progress like I have with the changes that have happened for gay people.
Whatever you let yourself feel, and keep feeling on a daily basis, is going to grow inside of you. It can grow into a monster or it can grow into something that helps you instead.
This moment bullshit is all a lie
Misinterpreter missed a line
Like a Russian Doll I could've died nine times
And I’m pretty sure that I’m still alive
I wanna remember why I try
I wanna remember before ‘89
I wanna go back to some pivotal time
And tell him, fuck it, just do you
Passing thoughts that create whole worlds
Another colour in a plastic swirl
Is this complete loss of control
Or just tumbling with the flow
You don’t know how a little thought can grow
And shape the next day, year and so
On and on and on before you know it
You’ve spun some storm you have to weather