EUghhhh... This feels a bit raw to put out there. Please be kind. This song came out in a rush and it's resisting my attempts at editing it to make it more literary so I'm going to leave it as it is for now.
I was diagnosed with ADHD late in my thirties. Too late to undo the chronic anxiety, social discomfort, extreme rejection sensitivity and underlying depression that comes from not fitting in and not understanding why.
It has left me with a permanent feeling that everyone around me would get tired of me eventually, which is a pretty crap mindset that I try not to indulge. It's still lurking however and doesn't take much to uncover. I'm pretty sure that's where this lyric came from.
I'm not allowed to play bass this week due to a shoulder injury, so adding bass will have to wait. I'll leave it unadorned for now even though I'm not sure my tenor guitar skills are up to that kind of scrutiny!!
Cups still full but the coffee’s cold
Ghost of a dream we all were sold
That we can be anything we desire
Chased me out of the oven and into the fire
You wear your kid gloves, love me with care
But I know you will grow tired, my dear
I’m tougher than I advertise
Don’t judge me by the tears I cry
All the time
It’s underneath everything on my mind
And it’s a harsh thing to believe
That everyone ‘round me is already leaving
Colour and music steal the scene
But this dance is hollow, the endings unclean
Sunshine sparkle, warmth and wit
Is the kind of magic that hides some shit
My costume never disguises for long
A heart that is needy and broken and wrong
And the worst part is I know this song
Soon somebody easier comes along
It’s a young girls game, I know that now
But young girls don’t know up from down
I earned each feather and I can fly
Does anyone still want to see me try?
Free will is a myth and a lie
I was born this way and this way I’ll die
But I’ll strive to be someone’s reason to smile
Despite how I am busted inside
And I know why
And I’m already grieving
But I’ll get by