(with thanks to CC Findlay, for the idea and final pun, and to Christina Wott, Laura Pearlman, Zack Be, and Jordan Kurella for puns or other tidbits.)
The current tune to this is mostly Rosin the Beau with a bit of a verse-extender. I will try to record it today; we’ll see.
Hark to the story of Mittens
Whose mother, the day she got big
Succeeded in having her kittens
On top of a judge’s white wig,
The smallest, but clever at coping
With a quizzical M on her face
As soon as her peepers were open
She read every book in the place
No word of the law is too dry for her
No word of the law is too small
“It’s honestly better than kibble.”
She’d say if she noticed at all.
Mittens was born for a lawyer
But the courts wouldn’t give her a glance
She was always confined to the foyer
Till quarantine gave her the chance
The uptake of Zoom let her fasten
A filter to cover her face
This feline but fierce Purry Mason
Was suddenly right on the case.
In court she was neat and appealing
And batted no ear at our puns.
Her incisive persistence revealing
The rat who had purrloined the funds!
She’s argued for canines and llamas
While secretly laughing inside
She’s known as the feline’s pajamas
What does quarantine’s ending betide?
Her secret is secret no longer
But will they concede her her due
Or will prejudice prove out the stronger
So they claim it is Purrjury true?
If they find for humanity’s faction
Expecting to judge and condemn
Be sure she will threaten Claws Action
So the Burden of Poof is on them!