By this point my parents were married and my mom was pregnant with me. This song is about my dad trying to help comfort my mother and about wanting to be a good father to me.
And also a reflection on his own dad who died a month or so before he met my mom.
October 30th became a day he marked time with. He used that day it seems to document the passage of time since his mom left he and his dad, even though we can actually see the date she left was the 26th, not the 30th.
where do we begin?
for that matter where do we end?
all that matters is your skin
pock-marked and sensitive
bad mouthed and lecherous
i'm pained and painting in
nonsense and pure nothing
puking of the mind
i can't control it sometimes
better out than in
or written down where no one can see
i just want to be good
someone to count on
i'm trying and i won't stop trying
and if i ever stop trying
please just hit my lights out
the weight of the day
hangs like a ton of bricks in the air
dad hardly ever spoke to me
i don't want to be like that
i want to be everything he should have said out loud