This is another collaboration with my friend / partner in crime @anthill.
@antill and I were in a band back together once upon a time when I lived out east in Richmond, VA. We'd talked about doing a project long distance for years and always liked the idea of that - but it took us a decade to actually get around to it. I got David to join FAWM with me and we've been writing 3-4 songs here for the past four years. Our band is called "The Homesick" - and our album should be finished this year (that's our goal!)
Music is all by @anthill. I wrote the lyrics and recorded vocals today.
I had a very unfortunate experience this past year with a person who I considered to be one of my very closest friends. It's a long story that I won't delve too deeply into - but she totally betrayed me, stabbed me in the back and essentially stole artwork (which she sold/is selling and is still profiting from) and refused to pay for it and then did her best to ghost me and delete traces of our friendship of 5 years without even being willing to have a face to face conversation. It was a very painful and powerful lesson. I don't talk about it much because I don't want to waste any more of my energy on this person. They know what they did deep down and just don't want to admit it. It's sad - but true colors came out after years and years of a friendship that I thought meant something. To find out it didn't was a really hard blow when I basically moved mountains under a ridiculous deadline to make her dream come true and then she totally turned on me, took everything, and ran. And I knew better. I have rules for a reason. I made so many acceptions for a "friend" and it burned me. Badly.
I knew coming into FAWM this year that I kind of wanted to write something to help heal from this but I didn't want it to necessarily be a big, powerful, angry "you've done me wrong" rock song. Again...she just doesn't deserve the power or the credit. I didn't want to sit here thinking of everything she did and glorify it in a song. Hell, no. Dave sent me this track intending for it to probably just remain an instrumental because of it's kind of "medieval" sounding and playful in structure. I waited to listen to it until I had a mic in front of me as I always do...and I had a melody pop right out. In fact, a lot of these lines in this recording came straight from my inital listen/ gibberish sing through. So the song was there on the tip of my tongue without even having to think hard about it. It just wanted to be written here today in this moment so I didn't fight it. The metaphor for the wolf works well in this kind of playful, yet sly and dark sounding piece to me. I think it fit for me the idea of a person just being so nonchalantly arrogant and conniving that they could do things like this to a person and be just fine with it. I added the more masked/ old radio type style effect on my voice that I felt helped convey that shady, unsettling feeling too. I think mixed with the haunting "howls" it creates a cool sound.
Sometimes we just never know who people really are. It's sad. But it's true. I know I am better off now with these ties cut, but it doesn't mean it wasn't painful. I've accepted walking away from the situation because it's not worth my mental health to pursue legal action and dig all of the pain and stress up again. I'll let karma and the Universe settle this one for me. So this is song is a nice send off for me. I love how it turned out.
Coincidentally (haha) I also participated in a forum challenge and was selected a druid card from @donna for WOLF. I pretty much drew from my personal experience for this, but since I used the animal I'm going to tag it for that challenge because it was fitting. https://fawm.org/forums/topic/10179/#...
"WOLF – Intuition, Learning, The Shadow
Meaning: Wolf (Faol) brings a strong sense of faithfulness, inner strength, and intuition. But the wolf brings learning too. Sometimes you need to cross barriers, to take risks, to go beyond the limited compass of “normal” behavior in order to learn and grow, although crossing these boundaries may seem unattractive, even painful. You need not fear the inner power and strength you feel when you spend time alone. Come to know your deepest self and even in the darkest places you will find courage and spiritual companionship."
It was pretty crazy because in the days that all this turmoil was happening with this person - a wolf (or more likely a coywolf) showed up in the woods, across the river behind my work. I have it on video. It ran up, stopped. Looked around...and then darted off into the woods. It was huge and was definitely not a coyote. It was a nice message for me and brought me a lot of peace during a really stressful time.
(That was a lot of words. Sorry! haha)
I wrote this with the expectation that it would be an instrumental. Stacy has a lot of stuff going on with other songwriting so I thought I'd upload this while she was working on another one I gave her, but she apparently switched gears and did vocals for this. I was pleasantly surprised! The main guitar thing sounded like renaissance music or something to me so I temporarily named it "Guinevere". When I heard what Stacy had done with it I thought of Tori Amos and Hansel & Gretel haha. I used my new Yamaha Reface keyboard on this (which I can barely play). These are really fun keyboards and they make a model for vintage keys, DX7, organs and analog synth. They are small, pretty affordable and really fun. The bass is a Fender Jazz Bass and the guitars were all the same acoustic I believe, with some tape echo and some octave. Thanks!
Had it all going
But I was hoping
To find another
I thought I knew you
But it was clear
I was so wrong
I never knew anything
Telling you now
Holding on to what
Brings you down
In your mind's eye
Keeping it undercover
With the sharpest knife
(Oooooooooooooooooohh) <--(commence howling)
If you dare
If you really want to know me
I would like to show you
It's hard to imagine
Anything other than what
You already know
The darkness it grows
Holding you down
Waiting under the ground
For the light to shine
In your mind's eye
Keeping it undercover
With the sharpest knife
Don't think twice
music © 2020, David Patterson
lyrics © 2020, Stacy Koviak-Davison
Written and recorded February 2/9(music) and 2/15(lyrics/vox), 2020.