How do you tell your partners about Fawm?

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  • @haim  Jan 25

    Hi!
    How do you tell your partners about Fawm and making them cooperate with your needs in this crazy great month? Especially new relationships, but it's interesting to hear about couples who've been together even longer than that.

    Could be helpful and useful for people who are in new relationships or for first time Fawmers (Fawmlings) to come here in times of crisis haha.

    Go!

  • @kissinginpublic  Jan 25

    β€œSee you in March”...? ;D

  • @bootlegger Jan 25

    I'm lucky. I've always been with understanding people. My fiance indulges in the month. Gets invested in my songs. It's really cool actually. But I also make a point to try not to cut into our family time too much. It's a compromise.

  • @petemurphy  Jan 25

    My wife has no interesting in writing songs, but she has consistently supported and encouraged my own music making for the last 25 years.

    She's totally cool with me jumping head first into FAWM, although I do take a couple of days off for her birthday (Feb 21st).

    She's the best.

  • @pipewrench67  Jan 25

    Partner free= problem free

  • @resonance  Jan 25

    My wife just said, "I can't wait for you to do FAWM this year!"

    I think she's trying to tell me something... Apparently, she's happy to see the back of me for a whole month.

    She's the best.

  • @zecoop  Jan 25

    Together 31+ years, and I was a bit of a rebel/punk when we started. She's knows music is really important to me, but still thought it was a crazy idea in 2011 when I told her. She's come to understand how fun it is for me, and as long as I dedicate some time together, she's cool with it. It helps that my dad, brother, and bandmates all do FAWM too. It's amazing. I've even gotten her to participate some songs. πŸ˜€

  • @standup  Jan 25

    I got my wife doing FAWM too.

  • @alyxanderjames  Jan 25

    My partner's planning on joining this year after watching me do it last year. Sometimes it's great to be with someone who shares most of your hobbies. πŸ˜€

  • @ianuarius  Jan 25

    I don't... they find out their own way.

  • @mdavisto  Jan 25

    After this many years, she's used to it. She's stocked up on books and Netflix.

  • @pearlmanhattan  Jan 25

    He plays his video games, I do my FAWM thing. He supports me by stayin out of my way and letting me do my music stuff. He's glad that he doesn't have to take me out to karaoke anymore, since I started recording my own music. πŸ˜€ We've been together 9 years.

  • @tesla3090  Jan 25

    I started dating my wife 3 years into FAWM, so I just told her that it got to me first. 😝

    Now she tolerates it, and then I always make up for it in March

  • @yarimurray  Jan 25

    My wife is my songwriting partner so we FAWM together. We got married during FAWM last year and wrote a song on our honeymoon.

  • @defaultdave  Jan 25

    My SO introduced me to FAWM, and then I went down a mad path of creating epic songs... we battle a bit for open mic recording time occasionally 😁

  • @metalfoot  Jan 25

    My wife lets me do this and I let her do her stuff. It's all good. She does remind me to clear the music equipment off the brown couch every once in a while, though....She says the couch is for everyone to sit on and not my private recording studio. Sheesh. πŸ˜‰

  • @elesimo  Jan 25

    @yarimurray that's lovely!

  • @timfatchen  Jan 25

    How do I tell my wife? "Goodbye for now, we'll speak again in March no doubt." And "Garden? Lawn? What?"

  • @tootoobee  Jan 25

    My husband and sons get grumpy ... but I don't care πŸ˜€

  • @spingo  Jan 25

    It was "this songwriting competition thing" and well, I guess that didn't change, since I mostly use the like instead of "FAWM," but she knows how much I get out of it and is supportive, even a little shocked that the songs with lyrics last year didn't totally suck.

  • @persaab Jan 25

    tell??

  • @leepat  Jan 25

    show, don't tell!
    alternatively, deny everything

  • @judypie  Jan 25

    It was a bit annoying to lose @adforperu for an entire month every year but I always got a beautiful love song written for me out of it so that took the edge off 😁 May be part of what made me pick up an instrument myself and then join! If you can't beat them.. Join them!

    Now we just live the entire month of Feb in different parts of the (very small) flat trying not to pick eachother up in our recordings. He has his studio so I'm relegated to the bedroom. We speak to each other solely through FAWM comments for the whole month and will catch up in March. Bye @adforperu!

  • @fuzzy  Jan 25

    My wife is the most chill and understanding person I know (besides myself), so she's fine with it all. She likes to hear all my tunes before I post them.
    Plus, we're retired so there's always lots of time to spend together.

  • @silvermachine  Jan 25

    Obviously you write them a song telling them.

  • @adforperu  Jan 25

    @judypie what are you talking about, we don't talk through FAWM comments?!?!?!?!?

  • @konemake  Jan 25

    "I am sorry, I'm having mental health problems right now, I think I will get better by the end of month."

    No, seriously my wife doesn't have problem with FAWM, actually most years she has been helping me with vocals etc. πŸ˜€

  • @kovbleu  Jan 25

    This post made giggle because my husband blurted out last night before bed "ok, I can't keep a secret".... (when you read his bio it makes sense). LOL

    @electroronin

    While he was sitting next to me last night he was sneakly buying some recording software for his laptop. He'll be FAWMing with me this year from the living room while I'm holed up in the office. <3

  • @apertome  Jan 25

    Me: "Hey, I'm doing FAWM again this year"
    Wife: "That's good, I hope you do!"

    We have a newborn son this year, which is going to be limiting, but she's still supportive of me doing FAWM. Of course, I've made clear that I won't let FAWM interfere with my parental duties. I do usually have one love song for my wife most years as part of my album, though not in a typical way. But this definitely helps make it more meaningful for her. Also, she likes listening to my albums, anyway.

    Earlier years it was still easy, she's always been supportive. The hardest part I think sometimes is figuring out how/what we're going to eat. It doesn't seem fair to ask her to cook dinner on her own for the whole month, but eating out all the time isn't really an option, either. So you might plan on making/eating dinner together, or have some plan for how you're going to eat, at least.

    My thinking is, make time for FAWM, but don't let it take over your life completely πŸ˜‰ A few rest days now and then are g

  • @apertome  Jan 25

    Also, be mindful that if you need to turn of the heat to record, it's February and anyone else in your house might not appreciate being cold, so try to limit those kinds of recording sessions a bit. Or at least don't leave the heat turned off any longer than needed.

  • @morti  Jan 26

    "Hey, @roberta, you doing FAWM this year?"

  • @chipwithrow  Jan 26

    Cool stories! We could never be a FAWMing couple, as my wife thinks she has little musical talent. It's a shame, because she is actually a lovely singer. Over the years, I've tried teaching her conga drums, guitar, and harmonium (all at her request) but nothing worked.
    She is a poet - I should put some of those to music!
    First few FAWMs, I played for her and our daughter just about everything I wrote. Now, only if I think it's something funny that they will like.
    A few Februarys, my wife has been pleasantly surprised when, toward the end of the month, I told her, "By the way, I've written 20 songs this month."

  • @coolparadiso  Jan 26

    My wife supports all my musical endeavours, if somewhat a tough critic. Like Chip mine is a good singer who generally doesnt think she is any good. I am slowly winning this battle! This year is a bridge too far but FAWM 2020 i reckon will feature her singing.

  • @kahlo2013  Jan 26

    I am lucky. Really lucky. My wife is my number one (and likely only) fan. She is wildly supportive, encouraging, and understanding. She reads and listens to everything I do and creates an environment that basically allows me to work and FAWM with minimal distractions or household obligations other than those I choose to do have family time with her and my sons. She even tolerates the crankiness that comes with sleep deprivation. I find it does help to write her some love songs during the time, write some songs for my sons, and to reassure her that the love lost and the illicit lust songs are pure fiction. Having said that I write songs anywhere where I am not working - I can go to movies, sporting events, concerts, shopping and write songs - minimally in my head - and jot things down at an event or sing things into my phone at red lights ... so FAWMing changes how I do things but I continue to do many of the same things after work and weekends - just with an added distraction!

  • @kahlo2013  Jan 26

    @apertome i agree - the parental duties and helping get food on the table - even if it is bringing home take out or making simple meals together - and writing love songs are helpful. I also often volunteer to take the bedding and other stuff to the laundry ... it helps get things done at home and the anonymous buzz of the laundromat and it’s people somehow inspire a lot of songs. When my boys were younger I also took them to their sport practices as I could wait in the car or on the bleachers and FAWM.

  • @kahlo2013  Jan 26

    Lastly, while the quantity of time with my wife is less during FAWM - I make sure the quality is high and focus on her when we do go out...

  • @mattpierce  Jan 26

    All she says is: "just pick up your empty beer cans and pizza boxes!" πŸ˜€

  • @jonmeta  Jan 26

    This is a really interesting thread, and I loved reading all the stories. This is my sixth FAWM and it was difficult at first. Sometimes my wife felt abandoned. But she started realising that the skills I was learning and the interaction with FAWMers around the world had positive effects on my life in general, my work skills, levels of contentment and fulfilment... She liked the results and now she's saying: "How soon is February?" She's also planned some days away with our daughter, knowing I'll be happy on my own. And finally, although she's not a songwriter, we sing together, and a couple of FAWM songs have become part of our repertoire. Win-win.

  • @yam655 Jan 26

    @apertome My son was nonverbal my first FAWM. Everybody loves demos with baby sounds in the background, and as soon as they're old enough to have preferences they can help you pick topics to sing about.

    I think when I said I was doing FAWM to my ex it went something like this:

    Me: "I'm thinking of doing February Album Writing Month."
    Ex: "Whatever, as long as it doesn't interfere with your watching the kids after work."

  • @iwilleatyou Jan 26

    I just kick her out of the apartment and tell her to get lost until March. I also tell her to take along my laundry.
    I'd have her sing but she can't hold a note if her life depended on it. I tried having her sing a song once and she couldn't even stay on beat even though it was a fully produced song with drums AND the metronome was on AND...shit you not, I was even tapping her shoulder to the beat. Nothing worked. *Sigh*

  • @calumcarlyle  Jan 26

    My partner and i met when she came along to an open mic night i was playing at back in 2000, and i've been songwriting and playing pretty much the whole time so when FAWM came into my life, i don't think it was an enormous surprise for her!

  • @calumcarlyle  Jan 26

    but being a dad has certainly impacted on my songwriting output. That was much more of an effect on me tbh.

  • @krayzie003  Jan 26

    My wife knows that FAWM is upon us. She hates it but she loves me and deals with it. A few gifts or a night out usually helps ease things a bit.

    As far as being in a new relationship and doing FAWM, I think I would explain to them what you plan on taking part in and how it may take up much of your time during February. Plan ahead to spend specific time together and if they are interested in what you will be doing ask them to help out or participate themselves. Good luck.

  • @apertome  Jan 26

    Another thing that helps is to make sure that your partner has time to pursue their interests, too -- this may not be possible so much during February, but make sure to support their efforts in the same way you want them to support yours πŸ˜€

  • @pfoo  Jan 26

    My husband had been doing FAWM for awhile when we met. I don't remember feeling neglected during February, but we both like having some time alone, so that probably helps. We also make it a priority to spend time together. That balance is important to us, and we talk and make it happen.

    He convinced me to try FAWM a few years ago - I see a few others here doing the same πŸ˜€

  • @bethdesombre  Jan 26

    It's actually been tough at our house and I've tried different strategies to navigate over the years. My spouse doesn't like it when I disappear, but also is extremely sensitive to noise and mostly works from home, so I've swung back and forth between the disappearing and disturbing. This year we actually have a house (with more space) and maybe that will help. Also, we both understand at this point that it's something that's important to me, I've done it often enough that we both know how it goes, so that has helped too. But it's still difficult, and it means I FAWM less than I wish I did.

  • @unpronounceable Jan 27

    Dating a songwriter is a great way to avoid issues. The couple that skirms together does the worm together?

  • @jcooper  Jan 27

    I always find it interesting when people say to me β€œdoes you husband let you...” fill in the blank, go skiing, go sailing, participate in fawm. Etc. Our relationship has never been about β€œletting” the other do something. He does his thing and I do mine. He hates skiing, I go on my own. I don’t like fishing, he goes on his own. I think a little space is healthy.

  • @gromwaf Jan 27

    No woman no cry haha... It's actually great to be single.. once you get over it...

  • @carleybaer  Jan 27

    Tangentially related, but who was it that wrote the song for @errol telling him not to forget his anniversary or he wouldn't get to do FAWM next year?? It still pops into my head randomly, even though it was years ago.

  • @philkmills  Jan 27

    She's on here too.

  • @thelostcartographer  Jan 27

    It's funny - at first I figured I was pretty good about just focusing my own "hobby time" on FAWM, leaving everything else intact. However, I have been informed that I'm basically absent for the month of February πŸ˜€

    Luckily, she's pretty tolerant of me taking the month to do FAWM. I keep hoping that I can get her to start writing as well, and turn it into a collaborative effort.

  • @popmythology  Jan 28

    This thread reminds me of a Joy Division parody that I did with @fearlessflight2014 maybe two or three years ago? "FAWM Will Tear Us Apart," lol.

  • @odilongreen  Jan 29

    My wife is very supportive of FAWM, as it's the dead of winter here so it's not like we're doing much else. She's much more concerned about my spending so much time on 50/90 when it's summertime and beautiful out.

  • @andygetch  Jan 29

    Also with a supportive and understanding wife. I support her hobbies too. We balance our individual hobbies with time spent together all year round.

  • @jacobeverettwallace  Jan 29

    Such a fascinating thread and insight into how music intersects with our primary relationships! (Very single guy here but really enjoyed reading these responses!)

  • @evinwolverton  Jan 29

    Luckily, at this point the only partners I maintain are aware of how unhappy I'll be if I *don't* overwork myself during FAWM. We agree upon an expectation of compacted togetherness – usually with scheduled days and times so as not to be eclipsed by bouts of inspiration.

  • @steviez  Jan 31

    I'm REALLY loving hearing how other couples deal with FAWM-itis. I'm about the middle of the spectrum between "Spouse Hates It' and "Spouse Does It With Me".
    I was a musician/lunatic when we met, and she's an artist as well (ATS Dancer) so she 'gets' it, and she's always there to encourage me when I get down or frustrated. She just returned from a dance retreat in Phoenix, AZ, and has another one this fall in Michigan, so we both have our 'things', and there is never any animosity when one of us dives face-first into our art.

  • @jamkar  Jan 31

    My wife is indifferent to FAWM. As a visual artist, she has her own pursuits. I do music every evening, FAWM or not.

  • @jamkar  Jan 31

    My wife is indifferent to FAWM. As a visual artist, she has her own pursuits. I do music every evening, FAWM or not.

  • @mannon  Jan 31

    My husband supports and actually gets really into Fawm with me. He's practicing bass, so he always wants to participate with me, but doesn't know the first thing about making music so he's always hesitant (even if I tell him not to be) haha.

  • @inkflow Jan 31

    My wife is pretty supportive of it, especially at the beginning of the month. As the 28 days wear on, she starts to get as strung out as me (we hang out a LOT usually).

  • @sjbatavia  Jan 31

    This is year 4 for me. A couple of days ago I mentioned to my wife that FAWM would be starting on Friday. We're empty nesters, so we don't have some of the constraints that maybe some couples do. Her only comment was, "Hey, do you think you could write a love song for me?" I kind of down played it, but in reality I had already been planning that. Overall, I think it's easier to write about heartbreak and loneliness, but this year I have been challenged by my lover. If I can come up with a good one, I'm golden. There's an open mic on Valentine's Day. I'm going with a few friends and our significant others, so I need to have "that" song finished as I plan sing it to her that night. Wish me luck!

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