I've been mulling this one for a few days and decided to finally put up the draft lyrics. Note that as far as I know this particular Thing has nothing to do with the Phil Silvers song of the same name, nor does it have anything to do with the Cat In The Hat's accomplices.
At least, that's what it wants you to think.
Things are amiss in our country
Everything’s not what it seems
We’re spending our days in a nightmare
Instead of American dreams
Everyone’s blaming the Russians
But I think the source is instead
A malevolent actor much closer to home --
The thing on the President’s head.
Nobody knows where it came from
Nobody saw it appear
But it seems like one day it was absent
And the next it was suddenly here
We see it each day on the TV
The sight of it fills us with dread
Merciful heavens, what is it --
The thing on the President’s head?
Is it a mutated marmot
Or a thing from an alien star?
Is a flying spaghetti monster
Making him act so bizarre?
Whatever you do, don’t go near it,
Turn and start running instead
Don’t get too close or you might get a thing
Like the one on the President’s head