February Album Writing Month - FAWM.ORG

It's a Hard Tack Life (*25698)

Not Safe For Work

captainvulpine

Tagged As:

sea-shanty pirate yo-ho old-timey experimental theatrical captainvulpine

Liner Notes:

Today while perusing the upper decks after a spell of horrible weather, I decided that the darling miscreant crew of defiled ratchildren under my employ might need some inspiration.

Lingo for the uninformed:

Yellowjack; flag we pirates fly when one's ship is plagued with the fever
Coffer- Treasure chest
Caulk- mending holes and weak areas
Jib- a particular sail, but "hang the jib" can also mean to frown.

Just so you people would know I'd do anything for you, it took a shot of rum for every two lines recorded to get that voice consistent.

HASHTAG IT #YO-HO

The beginning bit is for @oddbod
The rest is for @looprication

Lyrics:

Me and my baby
Starin’ at the sea
Life is grand away from land
It’s the sailors life for me

The weather’s perfect
The wind in my hair
I got no worries, I’m in no hurry
And life is totally fair
.
.
.
Wrong.
.

Heave ho
Heave ho, heave ho
...Mates.

The work is tough
The food is shit
The yellow Jack’s raised
and the food is shit.
(The work is tough
The food is shit)

The yellow Jack’s raised but you aint that sick

The coffer’s empt’
The rum’s been spent
No land in sight
And the rum’s been spent
(The coffer’s empt’
The rum’s been spent)

No land in sight when there shoulda been

The deck aint swabbed
The hull aint caulked
The captain’s mad that the hull aint caulked
(The deck aint swabbed
The hull aint caulked)

So get off yer ass and swab

Heave ho
Heave ho

You hang the jib
You break a rib
You can’t slow down when you break a rib
(We hang the jib
We break a rib)

And then you get back to work

You mutiny
You end up dead
You get marooned and you end up dead
(We mutiny
We end up dead)

Mark my words or lose your head

The Kraken looms
You sense the doom
You keep on working, you bilge rat croons

The Kraken looms
We hate this git
But we keep on working and the food is shit

Heave ho, heave ho

Feedback:

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namjunerobot 2 months ago

brilliant stuff!
frenchcricket 2 months ago

Heheh. It's the heave ho tempo shift that makes it for me
timothybracken 3 months ago

haha, love this. Love the Kraken line. It's all really great.
randyxpher 3 months ago

I would go see this musical - kind of a more realistic Pirates Of Penzance. The change from the verses to the "heave ho" parts is just jarringly brilliant.

This is fabulous stuff, Captain!
philnorman 3 months ago

Your brand of musical mayhem never fails to delight me.
tinam 3 months ago

superb & crazy in the tom waits style whos music i love
this is realy so good!
you sound like a gentleman who has fallen in with a bad crowd
roy 3 months ago

Ahoy, Captain!. THIS. THIS IS. THIS IS THE FUTURE OF SONGWRITING!

You are brilliant, Shine on you crazy vulpine!
themadlibhatter 3 months ago

The food may be shit,
But you've got a knack for this.

Hey! That nearly rhymed!
bradbrubaker 3 months ago

Love all the sounds of the beat and guitar after "Wrong."
donna 3 months ago

Masterly! Beautiful theatre indeed.
looprication 3 months ago

Dig it, dig it, dig it. I could see the ship a-swayin' from the very beginning as I swung my grog from side to side, listening with bloodshot ears.
mynameismilk 3 months ago

the food is shit, indeed.

lovely, just lovely.
sync 3 months ago

Perfect.
axl 3 months ago

Where the bloody hell is the download link?... Uh, I mean, I love the tempo changes, the chromaticism and the evocative lyrics.
oddbod 3 months ago

I'm most disappointed that only the first 20 seconds is for me
I like the glossary. More songs should have glossarys - perhaps you should add "caulked" and "jib" to it.
PS - nice twiddly guitar bits.
How about a nice bloody whaling song next?
jonniegrunge 3 months ago

I'm with Das, I immediately thought of Tom Waits when this started up. It's freaking brilliant. Great concept and awesome recording.
dasbinky 3 months ago

Wait, when did Tom Waits become a pirate?

Another awesome entry in the annals of what-the-fuckitude. When can we buy your album?
candle 3 months ago

OMG!

Your genius & amazing performance instincts continue to blow me away. You sir should be unleashed upon the masses so that mayhaps they realize the folly of their love of all things "pop".

Don't ever stop being you!

See You In The Shadows…
gslade 3 months ago

makes me glad i'm not a pirate.. I can get my kids to swab the decks (kitchen) and I'm only a few miles from the liquor store (rum)
johncrossman 3 months ago

Man, this is something special. Great musical theater. Funky little musical interlude. And great everything else. I can only assume it did the trick for those scallywags.
thedonniejeffcoats 3 months ago

so damn good. heave ho! love the changes and re-arranges... you've got the devil in you,son.
devinhill 3 months ago

This is genius. Not kidding. Great song!
shutyatrap 3 months ago

Wow I could learn a lot about the changes you use. This is angry in a pirate kind of way. I love the way that it all hangs together.
sapient 3 months ago

Great switches in perspective and the crew choruses are simply marvellous.

This is indeed many different shades of awesome
dragondreams 3 months ago

Just rolling about, laughing like a loon.

This is awesome!
debrandio 3 months ago

too fun. Ha!
fiftydegrees 3 months ago

I like the contrast between the first couple verses and the rest. Pirate Jenny meets Clash of the Titans. I'd like to know how you pulled off that way cool piratey sound with the percussion & guitars. Nice job!